Struggling psychologically with my psoriasis

Posted Wed 21 Jul 2021 00.36 by Sterling Archer

Hi. I'm a 39 year old man. I first had my psoriasis about 15 years ago, just a little bit around my scalp. It's developed bit by bit and I have fairly large patches along both arms and legs, with smaller patches on my torso. I had uvb treatment with the NHS in 2019 and it was moderately effective, but I don't think I helped myself by not being scrupulous enough about moisturising at home between sessions. I've had every steroid treatment on the market and again, they're sort of OK but never perfect. Apologies in advance for the moaning and I'm aware that some sufferers experience way worse than me, but I just feel so alone with this. It's 30C outside and I can't go to tesco without wearing jeans, a long sleeved shirt and a baseball cap. I look insane and feel ridiculous but marginally less so than I would do by revealing my arms. My wife is as understanding as anyone could be who wasn't in the same position but I just don't feel like she COULD get it. I don't mean that critically, it's just not a shared experience. 10 years ago I was confident, outgoing, carefree and happy. Psoriasis has eaten away at that bit by bit, mostly without me even noticing really. Tonight after a drink or two (I know it doesn't help) it came to a bit of a head and I accepted that I'm essentially a shell of a man vs me at 30. I hate going out in summer, seeing friends is a vanishingly rare event, I've been wfh through the pandemic but going back in twice a week lately and that has caused problems too. To the extent I've been signed off for a couple of weeks. I know that a lot of this is somewhat self inflicted - whatever treatment will work for a while but I'm not driven enough to persevere and the day I miss a step I'm back to square one. I swear I'm not especially shallow but this condition hiding my thinking every day. It feels like I never see anyone in the same situation; maybe they're better at hiding it than me? I don't know. It's why I'm here though. Just to speak to some people who understand. For those in the same boat who may be struggling in this heat, I sincerely hope for some cloud, rain and lower temperatures soon. Thanks

Posted Wed 21 Jul 2021 00.53 by Boo

Hi Sterling Archer, I know exactly how you feel, I often feel very alone in this as I don’t personally know anybody else suffering with this horrible condition and as you say it’s hard for others to completely understand when they aren’t experiencing it themselves. That’s what this forum is all about, it’s nice to feel understood and know we aren’t alone in these feelings. I can relate to you on not being great at keeping on top of treatments, And when I do make progress with my psoriasis I can have one good day and feel great and then the next day it’s all back again, it doesn’t last long! It is very draining feeling so insecure about my skin and being constantly aware of it and what others might be thinking. Sometimes I have very bad days where I just want to shut myself away and hide and other days I don’t give a damn and think to myself who cares?! I am more than my skin and my skin doesn’t define me. We are loved and remembered by who we are as people and our character not for how our skin may look. And that’s what I try to remind myself of on my bad days. Sending lots of love and strength to you and wishing good skin days for you - stay strong and remember you’re not alone X

Posted Wed 21 Jul 2021 18.36 by Mandyren

You are not alone. Everyone here knows exactly what you are experiencing. I am newly diagnosed when suddenly out of the blue 2 months ago I developed widespread psoriasis. I’ve lost my hair which if you can see from my profile pic was long red hair. I am covered. Unable to walk more than a few yards because of the involvement of my feet. I shuffle along like an old woman, bald and scabby. My husband tried to understand but even this morning made a well meaning comment that has hurt me and put me back in my acceptance. It’s changed me as a person, no doubt. But I believe there are people here to turn to. People who can listen and advise.

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